Friday, April 29, 2011

Now Is a Perfect Time to Make Crowns the New Fedoras

So the day arrives and you finally get invited to the Royal Wedding. Sweet.  You plan for months on what to wear, how to get there. It's gonna be so much fun.  Wow! Your seat is so close you can smell the Queen's perfume!  You get there early, chat it up with some randoms around you, send your friends pictures of how cool you are and how they suck for being in their flats in their pajamas, update your Twitter to brag.  Then these two peaches sit in front of you.

What the what? 2 points for America.
Seriously? Really, seriously? Someone had to look though what looks like a bird exploding and a sculpted butterfly to see Will and Kate tie the knot.  Not cool.  I am all for a hat, but what the goodness is going on?



tumble head first into a garden?

wind blew it forward?

I am in no means saying we are high and mighty in our fashion across the sea.  We have jeggings, Sketcher Shape Ups, pleather and shirts that look like this:

500 points for England

I am one of the zillion people that watched it at the butt crack of dawn this morning.  I thought that it was well done, as I suspected.  I was trying to figure out how Kate Duchess Kate was going to wear sleeves and make it look modern, and I think she (and the lead designer for Alexander McQueen) mixed modern, and conservative well.  Basically, it made me really want to go to England again.  I  heart England.  I'm not sure if it was that it was 4am but there were boring parts.  The words were impossible to make out in the music and I was hoping the Queen would at least do a fist pump at the end of the anthem.  It might have been because I saw a great T-mobile commercial and was secretly hoping that it might happen.

The Prince William and Prince Harry actors look spot. on.

God Save the Queen. (fist pump or not...) 

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Here Kitty Kitty

I love a good commercial. 

That being said I am going to show one of the most amazingly disturbing, sad, funny, not funny, confusing commercials I have seen in a long time.  I am not sure exactly how this sells a car, (an ugly one at that) but Jesus-Christo I had to peal my jaw off the floor after this one.   

So if you are tired of the everyday cookie cutter commercials then you have come to the right place. Warning: Do not show small children, unless you want to see a face like this.  Enjoy?

Don't tell me I didn't warn you.

Riiiiiight??  Like...where on Earth did that come from?? What went on in that business meeting?  Who drew up the story boards, got signatures to approve and film it?  Also, isn't that some sort of safety defect you would think the company wouldn't want to show off?  What a sick and twisted business,  but I love it.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Holy Smokes!

My vice is shopping.  For the majority of Boulder it smells like their vice is smoking the weed.  They have 4/20, I have Black Friday.  Now I don't imagine 420ers to come to my yearly event, but I went to see what their business was about.

After seeing the crazy that is CU-Boulder on 4/20 at 4:20, I am fo sho sticking to Black Friday for a few reasons.  Financially I think we are, for the most part, even.  Legally, I win.  Mentally, I suppose one could study whilst on the gange.  Although, math can be incorporated into shopping. Soooo...I say those cancel each other out.  Physically, shopping totes takes the cake.  I've never seen or heard of someone totally getting their work out on while high. (Is that cool to say anymore? Should I say "blazed"? or "toking"? Ohhh..."faded"??)  Also, the after activity of snacking has never been beneficial to the diet.  Shopping on the other hand works out by walking (or sprinting, tripping, stabbing on Black Friday), and most malls even have morning speed walkers that circle for exercise.  Hooray for fake exercise!

Granted I may never understand the full hilarity of Half Baked, Dazed and Confused,  How High or anything by Cheech and Chong.  But will the stoners understand my love of a solid shopping montage?  I. Don't.  Think.  So. With shopping scenes from European Vacation, Pretty Woman, Mannequin and Clueless (Sex and the City was left out on purpose. Gag.) one who does not love the sport of shop will not embrace these moments of awesome on the same level.

Now, onto my afternoon.  Well, actually from 4 to 4:35.  I left my apartment at 4, dressed in black and yellow (go Buffs), because I wasn't sure what the police sitch would be or how large the mass amounts of "students" were going to show up due to the poor weather.  Let me just tell you, a little chilly weather does not keep the people at bay.  I got there and shimmied my way into a spot near a staircase, which is where I stood the whole time because I didn't want to go into the bowl o' smoke.

The walk to Norlin Quad. Pretty tree.

First glance.  Holy moly.

 That is neither fog nor marine haze.

 For a school that does not support or endorse this event, it sure was nice of them to put numbers up on the light posts so people can find their friends. 

Pirates? Seriously?

 Hello Sir.

The paparazzi spot.   

Good job, guys.

This guy was pro photographer all up in here.  I tried taking a picture of his picture.  Genius.

That is the library on the right.  It is empty at the moment I took this...and 90% of the people here don't even know what it is.

This tree could not get a government job after today.

The sun isn't out.  Take off your sunglasses, fools.

If you've seen one smoke out picture with 5 thousand people on a college campus, you've seen them all.  So here is the video with my super Zack Morris style video camera.  I know I don't have a fancy high def. camera but it is extra blurry due to the medical marijuana smoke. 

Let me say that I do not endorse this.  There are many things in this world that I do not endorse, but I want to see.  For example, the time I drank snake blood in Vietnam and they had a monkey in a cage outside waiting to be dinner. (sad face)  I don't endorse people eating monkeys, but I wanted to see it.  If this offends you, I suppose I am sorry.  But then again, you are the one that got this far in the blog post.  Go have a beer.

Retail,  Herb, & Monkeys

UPDATE: The official estimate is 10,000 people.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Employee of the Year

I have an income again! Hallelujah!  The thing about not having a job is that it is fun.  There are no mean managers, or stupid customers or long nights.  The world is your oyster when there is no place of business that forces you to serve dumb people...when you have no job you are the dumb people! And I love being the dumb people.  My fun has ended when I realized that I can not be the dumb people seeing as my dumb bank account didn't have any dumb money.  So low and behold, I pounded the pavement and got myself a little ol' cocktail job at an Irish bar in town.

The deal with this place is that it is in a building that is well over 100 years old.  It. Is. Awesome.  So, being that it is in an old building there of course are believers (6/8 people I've talked to) of ghosts in the basement a.k.a. the dungeon.  Being a very hardcore follower of Ghost Hunters myself, I am not scared of this.  I figure if there are ghosts hanging out at an Irish bar, they are probably pretty dang cool and just want a solid pint.  This is not the sentiment of my fellow co-workers.

The girl that trained me on Wednesday refuses to go down stairs by herself.  So as we were training we went down so she could show me everything she kept repeating, "cupcakes. butterflies. rainbows. candy. sunshine. This is where we keep the to go packets. cupcakes. butterflies.  rainbows.  candy.  sunshine.  This is the walk in freezer. cupcakes. butterflies. rain-WHERE ARE YOU GOING?"  Soooo she was a little on edge.  As I was grabbing take out ketchup to refill for upstairs, the box cut my finger and instead of just saying "Ouch, the box cut me" I, with my twisted personality said, "Ouch. I think a ghost just bit me" as I showed her my bloody finger. This did not go over as funny as I thought because she was out of there faster than a bat outta hell.  This is reason #1 why I am not winning employee of the month this month.

Reason #2 why I am not going to be employee of the month.  On my 3rd day of training I ended up being 15 minutes late.  This is not entirely my fault.  Seeing as I am brand new and not on the online schedule yet, my manager had left my schedule on my voice mail.   You know when you listen to messages some times and there are a few random words that sound like they are said underwater, then they just go back to normal?  (I just got a visual of Ariel from the Little Mermaid leaving me a voice mail, ducking underwater, and coming back up again cause she forgot she could walk now.  Then me calling her back and getting mad, cause she does that alllll the time.)  Well, that is what happened but ONLY on the Friday shift in time.  I thought that he said 8pm, and I was so sure of it that I would have bet a dried beef sandwich on it.  So being the great employee I am, I decide to text him around 10:40am and say "Hey, it was hard to understand what my in time today was.  When is it again?"  Thinking it is for sure 8pm but if not it might be 6pm or 4pm. He writes back with, "11am in the expo"  Sonofacrap.  Turns out it was no big deal at all.  No write up.  I didn't miss anything.  Not working at corporate is great so far!  Whew!

Soooo...I have one more day of training.  We shall see if I serve a 14 year old a beer, or maybe I trip an old lady.  Ahhhh the possibilities!

If you are ever in Boulder and want to see ghosts and have a Guinness come and check out Conor O'Neill's near downtown. 

With all the luck o' the Irish,

Friday, April 15, 2011

Please Cook for Me So I Don't Haveta

Can someone please make this recipe and tell me how fabtastic it is?  My usual breakfast consists of 2 cups of coffee, looking in the fridge and grabbing a string cheese as I go out the door.  This does not fall under that criteria.  Soooo, seeing as I love casseroles but I'm not super huge into this breakfast "fad" I would appreciate it if someone else kindly made this monstrosity and told me that a) It was life changing and they will never eat another thing ever again. 2) It was pretty good for major holidays that end in "day" and royal wedding type occasions or option c) It tasted like regurgitated poop. 

Check. It. Ouuuut.

Baked French Toast Casserole with Maple Syrup


  • 1 loaf French bread (13 to 16 ounces)
  • 8 large eggs
  • 2 cups half-and-half
  • 1 cup milk
  • 2 tablespoons granulated sugar
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
  • 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
  • Dash salt
  • Praline Topping, recipe follows
  • Maple syrup


Slice French bread into 20 slices, 1-inch each. (Use any extra bread for garlic toast or bread crumbs). Arrange slices in a generously buttered 9 by 13-inch flat baking dish in 2 rows, overlapping the slices. In a large bowl, combine the eggs, half-and-half, milk, sugar, vanilla, cinnamon, nutmeg and salt and beat with a rotary beater or whisk until blended but not too bubbly. Pour mixture over the bread slices, making sure all are covered evenly with the milk-egg mixture. Spoon some of the mixture in between the slices. Cover with foil and refrigerate overnight.
The next day, preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
Spread Praline Topping evenly over the bread and bake for 40 minutes, until puffed and lightly golden. Serve with maple syrup.

Praline Topping:

  • 1/2 pound (2 sticks) butter
  • 1 cup packed light brown sugar
  • 1 cup chopped pecans
  • 2 tablespoons light corn syrup
  • 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
  • 1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg

Again, it sounds awesome.  If you make it, lemme know.  If word on the internets tell me that someone made it and didn't tell me about it (rather than listen to the 2 zillion reviews from, cause I don't know them. They might all have the pallets of a person who can't smell) I will hunt you down and give you the mean face. 

Baked, French and Toast,

UPDATE: I am neither baked...nor French. 

Friday, April 8, 2011

Obsessed Friday

If you can roll it in glitter, I will buy it.  As I wrote that I thought, "really?" and for the most part, yup. I would.  Let me first start by showing my Friday Obsession.  Mom bought them for me at Stein Mart. Love Stein Mart. 

Where I'm going to wear these glittery monstrosities is beyond me, but I love them.

They are beside my bed, because I am too scared to put them in the closet and have my other shoes rub the glitter off.  Yeah, I know. Freak.  (Like little anti-glitter elves are going to crawl out from under the carpet and rub them matte.)  So they literally are the last thing I see before I go to sleep at night and the first thing after I pry my eyes open in the morning.  It's quite a party around here, I tell ya.

So, as I was thinking about weird glitter things I googled, "glitter poop."  Best thing and worst thing I could imagine.  What might be even weirder, is that things popped up.  I learned that there is someone you can buy gold pills from for just a measly $425 which would in turn, make your poop glitter with gold.

It gives a whole new meaning to "full of shit" and I would be very excited to be "full of it."  But seeing as how I have bills and...well...some sort of thought process I will not buy them today.  But if you do buy them, please feel free to not send me pictures of the final product.*  Please and thank you. 

Glitter, Heels and Vacuuming,
* (Brad Spyker, don't you dare send me pictures of your poop.)

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Colorado is Average like a 2.0 GPA

People frickin' love Colorado.  Sure it's nice.  I have mixed feelings on the changing of the seasons.  Call me a state elitist, but California is better.  These are the things I don't like about Colorado:

1.  Colorado has yellow stop lights that flash.  What is that about??  I learned that it means you need to yield.
2.  People stop before they merge into a freeway/highway. 
3.  No In-N-Out
4.  People don't wear public. Grown adults.  Come on people, even Jesus wore Birkenstocks! :)
5.  Snow*
6.  They have the Broncos.
7.  Air is ridiculously d-r-y.  Like my dream is to lay in a bath of lotion and dry off with a lotion towel.
8.  The smell of patchouli is everywhere.  It smells like dirt, weed and feet. Yuck.
9.  It doesn't cover for my crazy.
           *About 3 times a week, I swear the Earth moves.  Where in California I just say, "Earthquake."  Here I have no excuse.  It must be the shakes.*

Before angry people not wearing shoes throw organic beef at my front door this is what I enjoy about Colorado:
1. Snow*
2.  The mountain towns are awesome and all have a different, and weird quirky thing about them. Example: Nederland has a weekend festival called "Dead Guy Days."  Yup.  They haul out a dude who has been cryogenically frozen and have a twisted version of Halloween in March.      

Peace, Love and California  ==>  Which reminds me! Look what I just bought off of Etsy! I'm super pumped about it.  Shocker...she is from California. 

This is what she says about it, "America in my book" is an illustration of the United States, based on silly (and I might add ignorant) stereotypes through the eyes of a Californian (me).

(Allow me to try this one more time)
Peace, Love and SoCal

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Same Car yet on Two Planets

Do you ever have a conversation with someone and realize you are completely on different worlds?  I'm not totally sure what on earth we were talking about but Alex thought he would make a joke.  Side note:  Great guy. Super funny buuuuut his jokes bomb so bad sometimes that it is hilarious. 

(Alex's joke about the Untouchables, while we were driving around Denver)
Me:  :::not realizing that was suppose to be a joke::: Was that filmed here??
Alex:  No....that was suppose to be an Indian caste system joke. 

You know what is probably worse than a bad joke?  Retelling the story of a bad joke.  Sorry'boutthat.

Nothing like a funny dog video to save a post.  No JOKE I was crying from laughter when I saw this the first time.  I love the way Denver looks right as the camera looks to him and that damn smile full of guilt.

We were in Denver...the dogs name is Denver.  I bring it full circle, people. 

Saturday, April 2, 2011

I'm Not Dead

I'm here but the past week was a caffeine fueled haze.  Zero sleep and lots of schooling make Morgan a wired girl.  After a pot of coffee for breakfast and a caffeine drip of 5 hour energy and miscellaneous liquid forms of energy, I felt like this:

But my quest for making more friends has probably come to a quick halt since I'm 98% sure I was presenting something more along the lines of this to the world.

So there we are with that. 

Which reminds me of the humans vs zombie game going on on campus.  Everyone who plays is either a zombie or a human.  If you are a zombie they wrap cloth around their foreheads, if you are a human you wrap cloth around your upper arm.  (It looks a little too Hitler youth to me)  I'm not sure what the outcome is suppose to determine, but they jump each other and shoot nerf guns and whoever got attacked has to freeze.  Am I joining this? Heeeeck no.  #1 I am always running late to class.  If someone were to jump me and I "had" to freeze for 5 minutes I would not be a happy camper  #2 I've spent 28 years of my life trying to avoid getting jumped, and I'm not about to start now  #3 a white arm or head band does not go with my daily wardrobe (If I can bedazzle it, we can begin a negotiation)   You know what? I don't need this many reasons.  I try hard enough to keep myself from unraveling and freaking out on people everyday (I am a delicate flower, dammit)  that a move in that direction may end with me using my pepper spray and mini club.  

On that peace and loving note, tomorrow morning I am grabbing my Birkenstocks (not really) and reusable grocery bag (really) and going to the opening day of the Boulder farmers market!  Apparently this is a big deal in this neck of the woods, and I am ready to get my grocery on!  

Peace.  Love.  Zombies.

P.S. Note to self: write about how I realized today that I used a toilet cleaning product to wash my dishes.  Past Morgan sure did a great April Fools joke on Present Morgan.