Thursday, June 30, 2011

Things That Will Not Be Happening

Sooo, what fun things have been planned for the ol' wedding?  Nothin.  What I DO know is what I don't want.  Here is a little list of things that I will most likely not incorporate.


I like sparkle, but heeeck to the no. No light up wedding dress.  I hope she is marrying a fire fighter cause what if that thing caught on fire?? Talk about a hot ass. Nooo thank you.  Is it like lights on a tree?  If one goes out do none of them work? OR what if you wanted multicolor?  OR multicolor and flashing?  Also, who turned it on?? Is her mom sitting in the audience with a remote?  Or does he do it when they are turned around? I imagine her, "Joey...push.the.BUTTON."  Don't even get me started on the dancing...ohhhh the dancing.  They certainly aren't going to make it on Dancing with the Stars this year. "Jazz hands, Joey! JAZZ HANDS!"

Second item I will not be donning on wedding day.

Ankle length earrings.
Uh-uh.  Doooo yoour earrings hang low? Do they wobble to and fro?  Headline: "Bride Trips Over her Own Earrings to Rip Ear Lobe Off of Head on Wedding Day."   The idea of this just gives me a head ache. I think if I had a few martinis I would start rapping them around my head like a mummy, or put a sticky hand on the end of it and throw it at people.  I will just try to avoid this purchase.

Next item is a "shoe"...

They remind me of sparkly lobster claws.

Yay sparkle! That's all I have for positive feedback on this one.  These are from Alexander McQueen, and the fact that they probably cost more than I make a year is not the only factor that is holding me back.  Not to mention I would be about 7' 5" and make Alex look like Wee Man next to myself.  I took ballet in elementary school and I've seen Black Swan, so I feel like I should be basically a pro at wearing these but that is just not going to happen.  I can hear my ankles snapping like celery right now.  No thanks.

So there are a few things I am trying to avoid.  A hot ass, ripped ear lobes and snapped ankles.  Everything else is fair game.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011


I came across a Suze Orman book at Goodwill a few months ago while visiting a friend who was working. (Forced work with an orange vest and all. That is beside the point. Move on, Morgan.)  I went back a few times and I could never find it, UNTIL LAST WEEK!  This time I did not hold tight onto my Dutch dollars and handed the cashier my 3 bucks. 

She is one smart lady.  I am now obsessed with all things financial.  "Would Suze Orman think it was okay to get a sandwich for dinner or should I make one at home?"  "Would Suze Orman sweat in the apartment or would she turn the air conditioning on?"  "Would Suze Orman drive to work or take the bus for free?"  Seriously, taken. over. my. life.  She would choose all the boring answers, but she is just sooo right on everything.    My FICO score is checked and awesome. No, I will not co-sign your loan. Suze says, "eff no."  My bills are up to date.  I have a low interest credit card. I'm golden so far.  I'm even thinking of starting a Roth IRA, for petes sake!

Ohmagosh, you can only imagine what Suze has to say about weddings!  She says to go small and instead use the money that would have gone towards the wedding and to put it toward a down payment on a house.  When I sent my mom a text telling her that Suze thinks we should have a small wedding and I said we should do a court wedding instead, mom wrote back with, "Suze is NO fun." court wedding according to mom.  Mom and Suze would not be BFF.  My problem is that if we did do a court wedding I would want to use the money to travel around the world, rather than a down payment on a house. I can just hear her now, "Guuurlfriiiiiend, what are you thinking??"  and I would say, "But Suuuuzeeee...." and she would say, "Cut the crap. Now is the time to buuuy! You can take a vacation anytime."  Uuugh...Suze is so tough.

Tomorrow I have to go to the grocery store with Suze on my mind and bundled with the fact that I saw one of those freaking Crazy Coupon episodes with the ladies that pay $100 bucks for $1200 worth of food, I'm hoping that I save some cash-o-la.  Now I just need to find the coupons and learn how this whole process works.  Sweet baby Jesus, I hope I don't come home with 14 jars of pickles. Suze would totes not be okay with that.

P.S. --  I didn't get a sandwich anywhere, instead I made myself a dirty martini.  I didn't sweat in the apartment, instead went down to the pool.  Lastly, I ended up doing the Suze thing and took the bus...mainly because it was air conditioned and takes 5 minutes.  I think guuuurlfriiiiiend would be proud.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Still Punchtastic

I am not too cool for school (aka blogging). My computer charger took a kaput (?) and typing on the iPad isn't the most fun of tasks.

My punchy life is still punchy, don't you fret.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Dear Freaks Who Work Out

Sure all those Doctors and Jackie Warner followers say, "Working out is good for you!" "Working out is fun!"  Let me tell you...nope.  Here is what happened today. 

Alex and I head out to the pool. 
(Actually, this sounds cooler than the whirlwind than it actually was.  Alex looks out the windows, "The clouds are coming!"  I say, "Eff no! SPRAY THE SUNBLOCK AS I TWIRL! SPRAY THE SUNBLOCK AS I TWWWIIIRRRLL!"  Poor, poor Alex. What has he gotten himself into?)

As I was saying....we head out to the pool super casual and cool for about an hour.  On the way back inside Alex decides that he is going to do the "healthy" thing and go on a run. (Mistake #1 for him)  I decide I'm going to sit on my butt to eat some chips and hummus and watch the end of some Real Housewives of Lame-and-Nobody-Cares-County. (Win #1 for me)  Alex returns after his run like he ran into Wayne Arnold from Wonder Years.  His story is that he ran around the block a few times, then decided to do just oooone more.  During one of the last corners he steps on a pine cone and rolls (Sweet baby Jesus, I'm praying it's just a roll/twist/sprain and not a fracture/break). 

This reminds me of the time growing up when my mom tripped over a tree root because we were in some National Forrest and she was looking up and walking.  She tripped and shattered her wrist.  This is not a cool story.  I think that we evolved the story to a bungee jumping accident...and possibly George Clooney was hanging out with us.

So in my mind, Alex is running from a gang of ... gang members.  He sees a stray puppy and runs to grab him, when Wayne Arnold throws a pine cone at him.  No? I'll work on it. 

Long story short: Don't Exercise.  It ruins bones.  Also, stay away from Wayne Arnold. (Win for all of us.)

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Miss --> Mrs

As many of you most likely know by now Mr. Alex decided to make me his Mrs. Morgan.  We are super excited, and if I didn't respond to any of your e-mails, voicemails (haven't even checked those yet), Facebooks, texts, IMs, BBMs -- I don't hate you.  There are a million questions everyone wants to know, so I think this is saving my texting/typing fingers and Alex from hearing the same story again and again.  All around, a blog world win.

Basically this is what I've been getting asked: What?! OMG! When did it happen? Pictures! How did he do it? Pictures! Where are you getting married? Am I invited? Pictures! When is the wedding? What does the ring look like? For the love of God, pictures!

Let me start out by saying, Yay! We are very excited and am super stocked everyone else is equally, if not pee your pants, more excited! :) Now onto the Q&A.

When did it happen?
Sunday afternoon in Golden, CO on our way to Winter Park for our mini vaca.

Did you see it coming?
 Nope. Having a day or so out of Boulder to see random mountain towns isn't super different for us.  I like getting the heck outta here to see what is out there.  This wasn't uber random.  Plus, he seemed pretty calm.  Here is a picture I took of him before.
See? Calm. Only weird thing is that he is wearing a polo shirt.

How did he do it?
We pulled over at a look out point cause it was pretty.  Then I decided it was too hot and "my butt crack is sweating, let's go."  (I'm romantic.)  Then he realized he had to get this show on the road, so said his deal.  Which is between us...and I don't think I can remember all of it if my life depended on it. (Sorry, Alex.)  But the important part was that I said "yes"...well..I said "of course" to be technical.  Then I said, "That was nice of you!" like he brought me a freaking coffee or something. 

When is the wedding?
Who knows.  Maybe late Spring/summer/early Fall of 2012.  No idea, cause this JUST happened.

Where is the wedding?
Southern California.  LA and south.  We are open to anywhere in that area.  We can have it in a bowling alley with In-N-Out as long as everyone has fun, and there is an open bar.  Other than that, I really don't care.  My mom says, "It's about the marriage, not the wedding."  Word to that.

Am I invited?
Sure.  But bring your own bowling shoes.  I'm not renting them out for everyone...come on now.

What does the ring look like?
You know Kim Kardashian's ring? Not like that, thank God.  This is more Morgan and he picked it out and designed it himself.

He did good! (Oliver is napping in the background. He is ferocious.)

Thanks Erin for showing me the macro setting! Life changer!

Alex chose the setting cause he loved the profile view.

What about the bachelorette/bachelor party?
Don't know when or where. But probably a joint one, and something with a pool and barbecue.

I think I covered my grounds.  If I didn't answer everything, feel free to ask below so I have them all in one lovely spot.  Here are a few more pictures from our trip.

Celebration snack at Carls Jr! There are not too many choices in the mtns. and nothing beats criss cut fries and fried zucchini anyway.  (PS- look at my new shorty hair!)

If your days don't involve a buffalo drinking a beer, then you my friend, are having a bad time.

That's uhh...Crystal champagne.  NOT Cupcake sparkling wine. Bling bling.  ;)

"what the bejesus have I done?"

Winter Park

Self photos don't turn out super awesome, but look, it's us!

It looks cold, but it was probably 80 degrees.

Going through the gorge back to Golden.
Thank you everyone for all your support and funness (yup. said it.) over the years.  Who knew a hick and a nurse would end up together!

 Halloween 2006